Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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