he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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