My liver just broke up with me...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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