We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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