Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
