ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
