I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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