The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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