she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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