He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just pee around me
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
