I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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