i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
