Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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