no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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