I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
