Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
