Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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