There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
