He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
