My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
