it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
