I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
