You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
