a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
