but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
