He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
