chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
