the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
two words...techno handjob
where are you?
Hypothermia
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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