Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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