Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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