Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
