U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
do nipples grow back?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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