i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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