This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
