I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
