Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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