Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
