life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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