It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ketchup is God's man juice
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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