Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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