Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
