Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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