I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
