whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
