ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Everclear isn't food dammit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
