We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
