pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
