Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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