Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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