Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize