Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
