Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
