I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
