So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
