Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
