Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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