I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
