My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
