if i died would you start the facebook group?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
