If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
