Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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