The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
