Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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