you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
