I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
