dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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